I'm Always the Only Boy

 Ty has been known to say often "I'm always the only boy".  Our friends and family seem to have a plethora of girls...where are the boys?

There are many things in my life that I feel has worked out to my complete advantage, of course with some divine intervention.  Things like, deciding to go to Ricks College right after high school, so that I would finish at the exact time that I did.  So that I would be able to meet Russ, who would convince me that I loved him and that I would spend the rest of my forever with him. And then deciding to have Kiley exactly when we did, so that Ty could come exactly when he did.

I loved being pregnant.  I read those books over and over again and I wouldn't skip to the next chapter, just so I could be surprised, and be rewarded for my patience. Every flutter was a thrill, every kick and jab was heaven and I loved every minute of it. 

I was completely convinced that Ty was a girl. Probably because all I ever knew was girl.  Kiley was a girl and she was my world.  The thought of another baby was not even comprehendable and the thought of a boy never even entered my brain.  I was totally shocked when the ultra sound tech said "well I see a turtle."  Hugh?  I thought I was having a human baby.  I didn't realize Russ was part turtle...well it turns out he is.  "Boys have turtles and girls have hamburgers". 

Pregnancies always seem like a dream.  The realness of what is going on doesn't hit you till your in the hospital and your holding this tiny 6lb 10oz thing in your arms and say your first hellos and I love yous.  Ty Russell Kekoa came into my life and I became a mother of a boy.  I never thought of myself as a girly girl mom.  You know the cool moms who dress their girls up in pink and frill and play Barbies and dress up...I did not think I was that kind of mom.  But the truth is that I had not a clue what to do with a boy.  At least I'm a girl and can help my girls be the whatever girl they wanted to be.  But a boy?  Lucky for me all Ty needed was the necessities and love.  Lucky for him, he has a dad that would take him out of his big sisters dress up shoes and hand him a toy truck.

I don't remember feeling out numbered growing up.  I was the only girl, both brothers were younger than me.  It was probably because mom and dad made each of us feel special and it didn't matter what gender we were.  Either that or I was spoiled because I was the only girl and didn't bother to notice how my brothers were doing.  I'm sure they would agree with the latter.  I wonder a lot whether or not Ty feels out numbered in this estrogen filled house.  He's a quiet soft spoken little boy and I worry that he doesn't get his say because his outspoken sisters are always jabbering away.  When I found out Maggie was a girl, Russ and I sat the kids down and made the announcement.  Ty cried.  He wanted a brother so very badly.  My heart hurt for him because I knew what it was to want something so very badly you could never have.  It wasn't that he hated his unborn sister or wish that she would never come to our family, he just very much wanted a brother.  I don't think I ever shared with him that I wanted so badly to have a sister, just as badly as he wanted a brother. Life is funny isn't it? Why do we always want what we don't have? The Lord knew that I needed Ty.  I needed his sweet calming presence in my life.  He is alomost the complete opposite of me and a gentle reminder of all the wonderful things I wish to be.   

When Ty was blessed I remember thinking how special it was that he was surrounded by all of these wonderful men. Men he would look up to and want to be like.  Men who he would emulate his life after.  Righteous men who loved their families and treated their wives the way a woman should be treated.  These men are his brothers. In reality they are his father and grandfathers and uncles, but they are apart of a great brotherhood of men. Ty will learn, like I did, that he will have brothers when he needs them, throughout all his life.  They will not come from my belly, unless Heavenly Father has a wicked sense of humor, but they will fill in the gaps and be there for him when he needs a brother.  They will come to his life when Heavenly Father allows and they will bless his life and in turn, hopefully, he will bless the lives of others and be the brother that he has always wanted.  And for that I am so very grateful.  Grateful to have men in my life who have loved and cared for me and who understand what is means to be a man.  

I have learned that there is something sweet and special about a little boy.  I know where the term mommas boy came from and I have a hard time not wanting to turn my Ty into one.  Hopefully he will turn out all right in the end and hopefully the hormonal girls in his life (i.e. his sisters and mother) haven't messed him up too much. At least he isn't wearing dress up shoes anymore!

Why Can't I Have One?

I remember looking out the window, on our way home from AhPo's house, watching the rain dance on the window and praying that I could have a baby sister.  I also wanted an older sister, but since I was the oldest I knew that would never happen.  Why do we always want what we don't have?

I wanted a sister.  I probably was sick of my two younger brothers that day, but I remember praying really hard that Heavenly Father would give me a sister.  I was maybe 5 or 6 at the time, so I'm sure I made some pretty serious promises to Heavenly Father.  "I promise I will never tie Christian's Gooffy ears together ever again", or "I promise I will be good to mommy and keep my room clean".

Not too soon after that my mother became pregnant and had a miscarriage.  Then she had another miscarriage and she could not go through that again so our family was complete.  I remember going to her doctors appointment the day she found out she had a miscarriage, I don't remember if it was the first or second.  She called my dad from the doctors office and cried all the way home.  I have been blessed with four children and never had to endure the pain of having to lose a baby, even one so very small and still developing, but even at six years old I knew it was a very painful thing my mother had to go through, and I think she came out ok in the end.

But still, I never got my sister.  I know I sound selfish and self centered.  My mother had to endure two miscarriages and all I could think about was where is my sister I prayed for?  And what would have happend if my mother gave birth to two more boys?  Why the Lord does what He does is beyond me, but I know He has a plan and it must be a really good one because I never got my sister and for that I am grateful.



 I did not know then that I would have many sisters in my life. They did not grow in my mother's belly for nine months.  A judge did not grant my mother and father parental rights to them.  They came to me when I needed them and made the deepest impression on my life.

Females who would mold and shape me.  Women who I would look up to and want to be like. Women who would love me just for who I am and love me when I would do or say something stupid. They would just love me anyway.  How did Heavenly Father know that was just the sort of sister I needed?  How does He know?

It took my mother five long years to have me.  She struggled with heart ache month after month to conceive and after five long years, I finally decided it was my turn to show up.  A year before I was born my Aunty Pua had a baby girl.  Pulama was the baby of her family.  The next oldest from her was Kapua, and he was 6 years older.  She is my first sister.  And because she has a "real" older sister, I can claim Misty as my older sister too. 

Pulama and I did everything together.  We went to the same school.  Did our hair the same.  Got the same doll at Christmas.  We got in trouble together and fought together.  Actually I remember bugging her alot, like little bratty sisters do.  We were every where together and I loved every minute of it.  When we moved to Arizona I was sad to leave my big sister behind, but then after some years, she moved to Las Vegas and we see eachother a couple times out of the year.  Most of my childhood memories have Pulama in them and I'm glad my children love her as much as I do.  I think they love her more than their own mother, but I'm ok with that.  Pulama was as close to a big sister as I could ever have.  She was a good one growing up and is still a good one now that we're grown.  Every child needs someone to pal around with.  I'm glad she came when she did and I'm glad we're still sisters.

So fast forward some years and here I am in Arizona with my own children.  Do my girls know yet how lucky they are to have eachother?  Probably not, but one day all three girls will realize how special it is that they have eachother.  Either that or they'll kill eachother first.

Life can be difficult and hard, and I am finding out that sometimes you have to fight hard.  I might have given up a long time ago if I didn't have  morning walks, midnight painting sessions, a few days at girls camp, or some hot fudge and ice cream.  It all makes the difference in my life.  Sister's get it.  They get the midnight feedings and going on fumes the next day.  They get the crying in the laundry room behind a locked door.  They get the never trading a moment of motherhood, or womanhood for that matter, but geez can I just poop in peace?  They get it all and I am so grateful for all the sisters in my life.  All the ones that I have ever cried to, laughed with or been a shoulder to. 

My hope is that my girls will be the sister that I always wanted.  Be a sister to eachother and then to the other girls in their lives.