Why Can't I Have One?

I remember looking out the window, on our way home from AhPo's house, watching the rain dance on the window and praying that I could have a baby sister.  I also wanted an older sister, but since I was the oldest I knew that would never happen.  Why do we always want what we don't have?

I wanted a sister.  I probably was sick of my two younger brothers that day, but I remember praying really hard that Heavenly Father would give me a sister.  I was maybe 5 or 6 at the time, so I'm sure I made some pretty serious promises to Heavenly Father.  "I promise I will never tie Christian's Gooffy ears together ever again", or "I promise I will be good to mommy and keep my room clean".

Not too soon after that my mother became pregnant and had a miscarriage.  Then she had another miscarriage and she could not go through that again so our family was complete.  I remember going to her doctors appointment the day she found out she had a miscarriage, I don't remember if it was the first or second.  She called my dad from the doctors office and cried all the way home.  I have been blessed with four children and never had to endure the pain of having to lose a baby, even one so very small and still developing, but even at six years old I knew it was a very painful thing my mother had to go through, and I think she came out ok in the end.

But still, I never got my sister.  I know I sound selfish and self centered.  My mother had to endure two miscarriages and all I could think about was where is my sister I prayed for?  And what would have happend if my mother gave birth to two more boys?  Why the Lord does what He does is beyond me, but I know He has a plan and it must be a really good one because I never got my sister and for that I am grateful.



 I did not know then that I would have many sisters in my life. They did not grow in my mother's belly for nine months.  A judge did not grant my mother and father parental rights to them.  They came to me when I needed them and made the deepest impression on my life.

Females who would mold and shape me.  Women who I would look up to and want to be like. Women who would love me just for who I am and love me when I would do or say something stupid. They would just love me anyway.  How did Heavenly Father know that was just the sort of sister I needed?  How does He know?

It took my mother five long years to have me.  She struggled with heart ache month after month to conceive and after five long years, I finally decided it was my turn to show up.  A year before I was born my Aunty Pua had a baby girl.  Pulama was the baby of her family.  The next oldest from her was Kapua, and he was 6 years older.  She is my first sister.  And because she has a "real" older sister, I can claim Misty as my older sister too. 

Pulama and I did everything together.  We went to the same school.  Did our hair the same.  Got the same doll at Christmas.  We got in trouble together and fought together.  Actually I remember bugging her alot, like little bratty sisters do.  We were every where together and I loved every minute of it.  When we moved to Arizona I was sad to leave my big sister behind, but then after some years, she moved to Las Vegas and we see eachother a couple times out of the year.  Most of my childhood memories have Pulama in them and I'm glad my children love her as much as I do.  I think they love her more than their own mother, but I'm ok with that.  Pulama was as close to a big sister as I could ever have.  She was a good one growing up and is still a good one now that we're grown.  Every child needs someone to pal around with.  I'm glad she came when she did and I'm glad we're still sisters.

So fast forward some years and here I am in Arizona with my own children.  Do my girls know yet how lucky they are to have eachother?  Probably not, but one day all three girls will realize how special it is that they have eachother.  Either that or they'll kill eachother first.

Life can be difficult and hard, and I am finding out that sometimes you have to fight hard.  I might have given up a long time ago if I didn't have  morning walks, midnight painting sessions, a few days at girls camp, or some hot fudge and ice cream.  It all makes the difference in my life.  Sister's get it.  They get the midnight feedings and going on fumes the next day.  They get the crying in the laundry room behind a locked door.  They get the never trading a moment of motherhood, or womanhood for that matter, but geez can I just poop in peace?  They get it all and I am so grateful for all the sisters in my life.  All the ones that I have ever cried to, laughed with or been a shoulder to. 

My hope is that my girls will be the sister that I always wanted.  Be a sister to eachother and then to the other girls in their lives.